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Past News Items
Past News ItemsPrimary 3, Yr. 1725, 6:01 pm
All ye heare thys: On thys Primary 3, 1725, promotions hath come to reste upon new captains Valdrisk, of ye Goldyne Hyde, and Longbrush of ye Mar'kan's Glory. Thys, wyth the blessyng of Hys Dyvyne Magestye the Emperore, shall bryng forthe an age of golden prosperytie upon ye Ymperyum. Glory to ye Emperor, and rejoyce yn the decysions of hys Mynysteres.
Dismembre 5, Yr. 1724, 7:23 pm
Here ye Captains and Other Beasts of the Imperium: The Ministry of Commerce has purchased the Kreehold Mercenary Squad to help control Taxes and the various Other Commerce Duties. Because of an unheralded Decrease in fees paid by the Emperor's fleet, each ship will now have one Kreehold Officer on board. The Officer's role is to Inspect the ship and to make sure that the correct percent of Loot goes to the Ministry. Argument or hindrance of the Kreehold's collecting duties from the Captains is much discouraged. Expect the Inspectors to report for duty Very Soon Indeed.
Refer all queries, threats, and complaints to Commerce Minister Verdeloth. Your voice is powerless, but we like to hear it anyway.
Macabre 21, Yr. 1724, 11:20 pm
All ye here thys: On thys Macabre 21, Yr. 1724, Lieutenant Amanita R. Geruk, hath been promoted to ye posytione of captayn of ye Naval Vessele, the Golden Hide. Give her ye respecte that she deserveth, and feare ye captayn of ye Ministere of Warre's flagshype.
Macabre 18, Yr. 1724, 8:50 pm
A notice to all those who may have forgotten:
Exploiting bugs leaves control of your account completey at our discresion. If we want to disable you, we will. If we never want to undisable you, we will never undisable you. You are rolling the dices, and we're predisposed to be angry at people who try to suck up after we've found them out.
IF YOU HAVE RECIEVED MONEY FROM ONE "Varran R. Mangefur," THAT MONEY CAN AND WILL BE TAKEN AWAY FROM YOU. Do not claim it as yours, do not get angry when we take it, this is your warning, it's not yours.
Milarkus 27, Yr. 1724, 1:33 pm
All ye here thys: On thys Milarkus 27, Yr. 1724, Lieutenant Calria E. Eagle, wyfe of Admyral Agle Eagle, hath been chosen for the honoure of captaincy by Ministere of Warre, Lord Bladedart. Captain Myrhakel shalle retaineth her rank as Captain, but shalle step downe frome commande of the vessele knowne as ye BlackShip.
Humidor 15, Yr. 1724, 6:54 pm
A new feature has been added, with three new things that EVERYBODY can work on: Publishing, Bottled Boats, and Carving.
Merry 18, Yr. 1724, 1:45 pm
Earlier today Minister of Commerce Varen S. Verdeloth was perturbed by a sudden drop in lu!Minosity within his chamber. A misguided cloud, reportedly a fair weathered cumulus, was floating perilously over Bully Harbor and blocking the sun. An eastern wind, a freakishly unusual phenomenon, was found to be responsible for this disturbance. As a result of temporarily low light levels, the Minister accidentally signed the wrong grant and authorized funds for a Badminton Stadium to be constructed in the city. When up-and-coming badminton star Hortio Flantrich was asked for comment, he replied, "I hope this doesn't mean it'll rain."
Merry 15, Yr. 1724, 3:43 pm
On thys, ye fourteenth of Merry, 1724, ye following ys decreed by Hys Eminence, ye Emperor, ye First, ye Last, ye Onlye, Mar'kan ye Second.
Ye first, and, as yt may happen, onlye crewe and Captain that returns ye treasure so lost by ye unfortunate crewe and Captain of ye Glorious Dubloon to ye Imperium shall be rewarded by ye Emporer's Smyle, a grand and glorious gyft notte seene in years. Yn Hys great generosity, ye Emporer has also offered ye goodly sum of Ten Thousand Gilders to ye selfsame crewe and Captain.
Any Captain with a Ship and an Able-Bodied Crewe ys encouraged to undertake ye mission. Such encouragement ys also provided by ye gallows which have too long layn empty of Captains not fully devoted to ye Advancement of ye Imperium.
Ye Captains are advised to take extra weaponry to fend off ye Pirates and ye Brigands that stalk ye Waters surrounding ye Imperium. Any Captain that undertakes thys mission ys duly warned that if they surrender ye treasure to any ship besydes one of ye Imperial Navy, said Captain and crewe shall be declared traitors to ye Imperium and ye Wrath of Mar'kan shall consume them.
Glory to ye Imperium.
(Note: See "Ye Glorious Dubloon" topic in the Bilge and check out the new Merry 15th Smelt.)
Merry 15, Yr. 1724, 3:12 pm
If you can find out how the contracts are all being stolen and disappearing, you will be given a generous reward upwards of 300G.
Any information leading to the Minister of Innovation figuring out how will get you a reward upwards of 100G.
Merry 9, Yr. 1724, 2:01 pm
Sorry for such a long wait. Things have been upgraded, and I now have free time EVERY DAY to work on VI.
It's going to be a lot of fun. I'd advise you most strongly to read the "Updates and Upgrades" topic in the bilge, which goes into the new things in more detail, but here, in bullet form, is the new pages you've now got:
- Information - Equip/Wear - The Court House - Auction Block - Corporations
Soggus 15, Yr. 1724, 12:58 pm
Comuni--muni--Kay, yes. From the Lord Minister of Niceties.
It hath come to ye attention of this Miniftrie, that, being af ye Greate Changef are Afoot, It would be wife that the Minifter en Charge reaffume a customarie role of oversight untille matterf are fettled. Thif being ye cafe, The Saide Minifter Has the follow'g to saye-
Pease, for ye loves of pete, Make Sure your art filef are ye Righte Syze.
That is Alle.
Soggus 4, Yr. 1724, 1:34 pm
Todaye, Soggus ye 4th, the edditors of The Smelt produced their fifth edition. While notabbly late, after muche pokyng and proddyng and later threats, ye staffe hath creatted another clasic.
Specyal thankes to Officer Silvix SkarBlade and Dalliance Edwards for their contributions.
Yt ys advized that alle beasts place wayjurs uponne ye next ishoo. Suche wagers canne be discussed with one IronPaw SkarBlade or Varen Verdelothe. Profittes shall abownd.
Soggus 1, Yr. 1724, 6:19 am
Effective Todaye, Pilaris Maximus Cotsifasse is Resigninge Fromme His Positione as Ministere of War and Peace.
Hisse Replacement wille be Lord (Captain) Kenshin R. Bladedart.
Thanke you alle; Visit ye Bilge in Ye Bucket for more informatione.
Smarch 19, Yr. 1724, 5:51 pm
Undder ye manaegment of new staffe, The Smelt hath produced yette another magnificent eddition. Ye moste gracious thanks for this philanthropyc effort can be showed in the forme of generus donayshuns to our Publishing Supervisor and journelists.
Tho' the most humbyl staffe is qwite confeddent of the next ishoo, bets are lyable to be opened. Pleese see !Ironpaw R. !Skarblade about suche wagers.
Smarch 9, Yr. 1724, 4:35 pm
To all ye Citizenrie of Ye Vvlpine Imperiume, Whethere ye Lowlieste or Ye Emperore Himselfe:
Upon his mytiness the Emperor's requeste, Captain: Second Class IronPaw R. SkarBlade has been appointed to the poste of Minister of Misanthropy. His Scragglyness, Ramsay P. Monteroy shalle be demoted ase soon ase Impyrial forcys are able to find him.
In due course, Raserie Gotalmo has beene Promoted to Captain: Commander, and Has Taken Command of the Royal Warship, The Skeered Of Nothing.
The new MinoMis invites you to his celebretery celebretion in the Markeet Square thys evening.
Dismembre 22, Yr. 1723, 3:19 pm
To all ye Citizenrie of Ye Vvlpine Imperiume, Whethere ye Lowlieste or Ye Emperore Himselfe:
Lette it be known to all citizenrie thatte Captain Agle P. Eagle, once the Mastere of ye BlackShip, has taken a promotion to ye ranke of Admiral; also that, in his stead, Myrhakel Greenfire has been promotede to Captain ye BlackShip.
Macabre 28, Yr. 1723, 10:57 am
Das Erste Teil: Das Kirtendrawt
On these the last three days of Macrabre, the denizens of the Vulpine Imperium are encouraged to remember what has passed.
And it's mostly water.
While it's not taught in most of the more "budget-oriented" grade schools, the Imperium was at one time dreadfully manipulated by a religion known as the Kirkendrawnt, a universal spiritual system than organized the worship of water.
To understand how such a practice could be tolerated, let alone thrive, one must examine economic history. The Imperium, at various times, has backed its Gilder currency with the Rat Standard, the Dirt Standard, the Sky Standard, the Tree Standard, and the Death-threat Standard.†
Therefore, it should not come as a suprise to learn that, for a rather prolonged period of time, the Gilder was backed with water. Initially, after this standard was instated, the markets soared. However, heavily inflation soon set in. To combat this, the Department of Aquatic Management Policy, was established to limit the amount of water in the ocean. This was originally seen as possible by removing water from the ocean and storing it on land.
The first attempts to (partially) empty the sea failed due to poor planning and poor understanding of Fizz-sicks. The Department of Aquatic Management Policy created a 40-ship armada, sailed it to the middle of the ocean, and filled each ship's cargo hold with untold gallons of seawater to transport back to the Imperium.
Legend has it, only one rat survived, and he managed this by clutching a floating coffin. Eager to avenge his companions, he spitefully filled the coffin with water to haul back to the Harbor and perished.
Further attempts to regulate the seas were performed with much more conservative methods. One notable episode involved massive bucket chains, another, grog tankards. It was only after the myriad of failed strategies flooded Bully Harbor past recognition that, out of the Department of Aquatic Management Policy leadership, the Kirkendrawt was formed.
Das Kirke claimed water was an immutable, unconquerable force that would have to be appeased with weekly monetary tributes, all checks made payable to Das Kirke. Only then would the floodwaters subside. The citizens, fearing total saturation, began tithing and soon found the land to be as high and as dry as before. Thus das Kirke was established as the only defense against massive deluge, and citizens continued to "pay in" for hundreds of years afterward.
Until...
One day, after exhaustive scientific experimentation, Brother Sponge of the Dawtininan order of Monastics came to a conclusion so unorthodox, so heretical, and so totally water-proof, it shook the watery foundations of Das Kirke and the Imperium that depended on it.
For as far as Sponge could tell, in regards to preventing floodwater, das Kirkendrowt was utterly Appurtenant.
To Be Continued Tomorrow!
† Essentially, the Gilder was backed by death-threats. This standard was a bit more abstract than other standards, and worked something like this:
1) Rat walks into the bar, orders a drink, puts a Gilder down. 2) Bartender says "I ain't takin' dat." 3) Rat pulls a knife and says "My fur you ain't!" 4) Bartender apologizes, takes Gilder, gives rat drink. 5) Transaction concluded.
Macabre 23, Yr. 1723, 1:15 pm
What's happened here is a large case of Scope Slope, which is when you start off with a managable amount of things, but then in the process get more ideas, which lead to more ideas, which means more time is taken.
As it is, we've decided to do a few things. Not only will we add Corporations, but we are going to be changing the way that Items work. It's a pretty broad thing to do, but in the end, it's going to be very good, as we will be able to set up tons of new types of stores easily.
Because some of you may care, I'll provide below a list of pages which are going to be changed (or added). If they have a + in front of them, it means that I've finished coding them. If they have a -, it means I haven't started with the modifications yet. (+- means it's halfway done)
+ Start Store + Manage Store + Stock Store - Start Farm - Manage Farm - Buy/Sell Farm Land + Sell on Public Market - Buy on the Public Market +- Manage Corporation - Stock Portfolio +- Inventory - Fight - About Stuff - Help pages.
Macabre 16, Yr. 1723, 5:31 pm
The Bad News: There will probably be downtime sometime. I was a bit hasty when I said, "Saturday Morning". Within the next 2-5 days, expect 2-6 hours of the game being down.
The Good News: We're changing up how a few things work, to allow for the prepatory changes (ie. we want to do stuff in the future, and this is mostly rearranging things so that we can). Saturday afternoon, there will be a few changes, and by Monday/Tuesday, there should be some new stuff.
Updates will be posted throughout the downtime, so if you want to check in and see how I'm doing...feel free.
Macabre 8, Yr. 1723, 7:46 pm
Bells, ring!
Doves, sing thy songs!
Joyless citizenry, cease they lamentations!
The Minister of Misanthropy is back.
Again.
And he is back to stay.
For a time.
Or is he?
The intrigue! The indecision! The sheer mystery of it all!
Macabre 2, Yr. 1723, 1:11 pm
The Saturday Evening Smelt has been revived, under new leadership, and has put out it's Macabre 2 issue.
Humidor 9, Yr. 1723, 7:58 am
For the next two to four days, we will be in development of Privateering, the next improvement on VI. There will be assorted other improvements, also. Note that a few pages (most probably the Ships Cabin, the Public Bunks, and the Upgrade Rank Page) will probably be working on and off.
We thank you for your patience, and hope you will enjoy our developments!
Thermidor 31, Yr. 1723, 7:38 am
As part of a campaign to poke and jolt our staggering economy, the Ministry of Niceties has now increased its minimum from 10 to 30 Gilders on all Art submissions.
In other news, Kenshin R. Bladedart is now in the employ of the MinoNice, in the capacity of Legal Counsel and Assistant to the Mistress of Poetry. Lord Shepherd has elected to do this, because the sheer amount of entires his Ministry receives. Certain entries and policies have generated more than one conflict in the past, and Shepherd feels the Ministry needs a spokesbeast to serve the public better.
The spokesbeast may also serve the public papers, but that's only if the public composes free-verse poetrie.
All questions about art should still be sent to Coriander Shepherd, of course, as he deals with the entries personally.
Thermidor 28, Yr. 1723, 5:08 pm
That's right, mates... its not a contest!
In a joint effort, the MinoWar and MinoNice will be taking your suggestions for what your ships' emblems should look like. Where you ask? In your ships' messes!
This is merely an idea-collecting operation... the final products may be a mix of many different ideas, or one idea, or no idea... we have no idea! All we know is that we want you all to head to your messes and start brainstorming away!! Happy thinkin!
Thermidor 25, Yr. 1723, 2:15 pm
In order that we may further celebrate His Disgrace Former-Captain Blackhead, er... Blackmore's removal from duty and public swan dive into the murky, stinky depths of miserable humiliation, The Minister of Niceties, recently returned from a long hiatus and too much Oscar Wilde literature, has declared the following art contest to be effective post-hasteum:
"Erhem... is this machine working? Good. Danged MinoInn takes off and technology goes to pot.... where was I? Oh yes! If you'd like, we're offering 150 Gilders for the funniest, most tastefully humorus picture of Blackmore drawn and submitted to the Ministers. Please include in the work's title "Blackmore" or something similar. The contest will run until Humidor (that's next month, you know) the 1st. Cheers!"
(In response to complaints, the wording of this item has been altered slightly)-Cori
Thermidor 15, Yr. 1723, 2:20 pm
Okay, we've added in a new ability for Captains.
Crewbeasts who have been inactive for 12 days can be forcefully transfered to another ship Officers who have been inactive for 8 days can be forcefully transfered to another ship
Crewbeasts who have been inactive for 21 days can be booted to shore Officers who have been inactive for 18 days can be booted to shore.
The above does not apply to beasts on vacation.